I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
