guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize