her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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