He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
