Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
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Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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