I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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