I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
