Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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