you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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