I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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