are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
