yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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