96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
