Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
