Taylor Swift is so right about you.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
