The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
