Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
