I just threw up on my dentist
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
