every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
