I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I didn't notice because vodka
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
