so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
