you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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