Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
