we have officially lost it.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
