If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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