just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I just found a bag of teeth...
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She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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