did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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