Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
the day after is always just damage control
she peed on how many people?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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