My friends, they love my intelligence
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize