he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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