strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
