I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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