Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
