Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
