she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
