I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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