I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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