lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
