that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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