i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
