I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
