i will never coherently bang her
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
