Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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