I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
