i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
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