Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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