so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Bang-toberfest begins!!
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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