i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
