this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
