i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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