I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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