ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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