dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
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