woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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