the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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