Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He? As in you personified your dick?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
